Thursday, 26 December 2013

A series of unfortunate events

After sleeping an absolute ton yesterday, I actually woke up feeling pretty good early this morning. My desire to go and ride somewhere - anywhere - got the better of me and I set out on a nice flat route to see how I really felt. You know... maybe I can complete Festive 500 after all!

Winter treats: hot canned cappuccino and corn soup

I think the 'story' of this ride is best told by detailing what I was thinking at each stage. So, with approximate distances, here is the series of thoughts and realisations that led me through this morning's fun-fest:

  • 0 km - "Man, it's cold out here!"
  • 5 km - "I feel pretty good! This should be a fun ride."
  • 10 km - "Fat, knobby cyclocross tyres were probably a bad idea."
  • 20 km - "I'm already attempting to sing along, out loud, to 80s power ballads. I do not care."
  • 30 km - "These new winter bibs are giving me a wicked chamois wedgie."
  • 40 km - "My legs are far more tired than is reasonable for this distance..."
  • 45 km - "Canned sweetcorn soup is the worst thing. Also, I don't feel that great."
  • 50 km - "Is it possible to simultaneously vomit and crap oneself while riding a bike? Because I feel like that's a distinct possibility."
  • 60 km - "It is beginning to rain. I don't really care."
  • 70 km - "Emergency time: I need to scarf down an energy gel to get me home."
  • 71 km - "There is remarkably little difference between gels flavoured 'Tropical Fruit' and 'Dog Shit'."
  • 80 km - "10 km on, I can still taste that gel..."
  • 85 km - "That ride was the worst idea. How did I survive?"

LESSON LEARNED: Don't ride when you have a cold.

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